Double Unicycles

Push bike Plod are being issued with lengthy guides on how to ride a bike- including tips on avoiding swarms of insects and suggestions for lemon curd snacks.


In 2009, the Association of Chief Police Officers scrapped plans to introduce its own manual teaching Dibble how to ride a bicycle. So instead, UK Fuzz Farces created their own instead and here are some examples of life saving tpis and other gems for you to savour next time you're out on your two wheeler:

• use lip balm to prevent chapped and cracked lips, and they suggest the strategic application of sunscreen "to protect areas of your body that are exposed... during the summer months". 
• eat "high sugar spreads such as jam, honey, lemon curd. "- though it goes on to state that these "should be eaten with a bread-based unsweetened item".  Malt loaf, breakfast cereal or fruit are also suggested.
• More advice states:  "Be wary of consuming high sugar content confectionery, certain items though are a good source of carbohydrates such as Jaffa Cakes or flapjack.  "Defined 'energy bars' are acceptable but they generally have a high sugar content and can be expensive."  
• It is recommended that riders "obtain a suitable set of defined cycle underwear with a padded crotch area to prevent discomfort during riding".
• The "code of guidance for pedal cycles and ancillary equipment" suggests an investigation should be conducted to establish whether officers it would still comply with the force's "corporate image", if its cyclists wore shorts.
• Humberside Rozzers, before going out on cycle patrol, must consider a five page risk assessment in which they are required to analyse the risk of injury from airborne particles and insects.
• It is suggested the Feds should carry in their pockets too, pointing out that sharp items such as keys should not be kept in pockets, as they could hurt if the officer falls off.
• One dossier (Essex Plod) even reveals that their Dibble on bicycles are banned from pursuing suspects unless they have been on an "advanced" cycling course.   Even then, they must conduct a "dynamic risk assessment" in which they must evaluate whether the decision to chase could breach the suspect's human rights – by endangering their safety – as well as consider nine other factors, including the weather.
• The same document states that if undercover officers want to ride without a helmet to avoid arousing suspicion, a supervisor must first carry out a risk assessment.  

We could go on, for they do but have a look for yourselves at TTel.  :o)