T(r)poical Joke

Unfortunately it's in Fahrenheit, but the gist is there:

50 degrees - Southerners turn on their heating. People in Newcastle plant their gardens.
40 - Southerners shiver uncontrollably. People in Newcastle sunbathe.
20 - Southerners wear coats, gloves and wool hats. People in Newcastle throw on a t-shirt and girls wear mini skirts.
Zero - Southern landlords turn up the heat. People in Newcastle have a last BBQ before it gets cold.
Minus 10 - Southerners cease to exist. People in Newcastle throw on a light jacket.
Minus 80 - Polar bears wonder if it is all worth it. Boy Scouts in Newcastle begin wearing long trousers.
Minus 100 - Santa abandons North Pole. People in Newcastle put on long johns.
Minus 173 - Alcohol freezes. People in Newcastle become frustrated because the pubs shut.
Minus 297 - Microbial life starts to disappear. Cows in Newcastle farms complain of vets with cold hands.
Minus 460 - All atomic motion stops. People in Newcastle begin to stamp their feet and blow on their hands. 

Minus 500 - Hell freezes over. Newcastle United win a trophy.