Britain's Crappest Celebrities

 

These lot aren't just famous, they're famous for being British as well. Is this really the best we can do?

1 Antony Worrall Thompson

He was TV’s most belligerent chef long before Ramsay even learnt to swear, but somewhere along the line it went wrong for the hobbit-like cook. Things went squiffy when he cooked his famous pie that involved five Snickers, puff pastry, mascarpone, soft cheese, sugar and eggs. A single slice has been estimated to contain 1,250 calories. He’s also a patron of pro smoking lobby FOREST and once created a recipe involving the poisonous plant nenbane as a “tasty addition to salads”. He then apologised saying, “I was thinking of a wild plant with a similar name, Fat Hen, not this herb. It’s a bit embarrassing.”

2 Sir Robert Falcon Scott

Naval officer, gentleman, explorer and consummate fuck up. His first Antarctic expedition saw them lose one man and the ship got frozen in the ice. He still came home a hero and started planning his next trip, a race to the South Pole where he took early snowmobiles and ponies instead of huskies. They made it, just five weeks after the Norwegians. Scott and his party, including the famous Captain Oates, all perished on the return journey.

3 Mark Croft

 

With a face and head that lend him the appearance of a wet boulder, taxi driver Mark came to the nation’s attention in 2007 when he married professional screecher Kerry Katona. The pair tied the knot in Gretna Green, and for the ensuing two years Croft swanned around in Katona’s cars, wallowing in her wealth like a greedy conker. The marriage finally ended, and Katona was spotted chucking what is thought to be Croft’s possessions into a skip.

4 Sir Tim Berners-Lee

Computer scientist Berners-Lee is a towering intellect and is credited with inventing the World Wide Web. Oh sure, he’s changed the way that human beings consume information, but on the flip side he’s also responsible for the death of traditional comedy in favour of cat videos, and has wrung the life out of the film and music industries. Worst of all is the fact that he’s proliferated the use of text speak across the globe. WTF Tim?

5 Sooty

The puppet bear is 62 years old. It was 1948 when Harry Corbett bought that little megalomaniac from a pier in Blackpool and turned him into a superstar. Sooty is now the star of the longest running TV show in history. But look a little closer and you see that the mute ursine entertainer has carried out a sustained campaign of violence against his loyal fall guy Sweep. Did fame go to Sooty’s head? You decide.

FHM.