Letterboks

From Viz:


- THEY SAY that Jennifer Lopez is sexy because she's got a big arse. Well if that's the case, my girlfriend is at least twice as sexy as her.

- I WAS SITTING watching the football on the BBC last night, and it said you could get 'interactive' by pressing the red button on the remote. I pressed mine and the telly went off.

- I WAS AMAZED to see the incredible prices of personalised car registration plates in an advert recently. However, Halfords kindly did me a set of "AN 1" for £15, saving me about £20 000.

- MARC BOLAN, a great friend of Elton John's, died tragically young in a car crash. Freddy Mercury, a great friend of Elton John's, was sadly taken from us by AIDS. Gianni Versace, a great friend of Elton John's, was cruelly cut down in the prime of life. And the Princess of Wales, so recently seen comforting Elton John at Versace's funeral, has been stolen from us. I'll tell you what, if I were George Michael I'd be shitting myself.

- PEOPLE should not say horrible things about the terrorist Osama Bin Laden. They are simply bringing themselves down to his level.
- THEY SAY that laughter is the best medicine. My grandad has got Parkinson's disease and we've been laughing at him for months and he hasn't got any better. So much for that theory.

- I VISITED my local GP last week complaining of a sore throat and stiff neck. Imagine my surprise on being told I had absentmindedly swallowed a flute.

- SO WHAT if the Royal Family costs each of us 58p a year? I'd rather it go to them than bloody asylum seekers. These foreigners come over here with all their relations, we give them houses, and they never do a stroke of work, just sponge off the state. They do a marvellous job. God bless 'em.

- WHY DO old people insist on referring to World War I as 'The Great War'? Surely World War II with its higher death toll and use of atomic weapons was loads better.