As Suspected

Whistle-blowing website Wikileaks has released secret messages sent by US embassies which show that Americans are as obnoxious about other people in secret, as they are whenever you meet them.

The controversial whistle-blowing site has released a cache of 250,000 secret messages sent by US diplomatic staff in which the US staff talk exactly like everyone imagined US staff actually talk like when they’re on their own.

One non-American moron said, “I can’t believe that Americans say these nasty things behind closed doors, particularly when they seem so happy saying them in public wherever they are in the world when I see them.”

Wikileaks have defended the leak, with founder Julian Assange explaining, “It’s important that people realise that the loud, obnoxious, highly-opinionated persona that people see from Americans all over the world is exactly the same as the persona they display when locked away in their secret embassies.”

“Knowing they behave in exactly the same way in their private offices is admittedly shocking, but it’s something we all needed to know.” 

Wikileaks US cables 

One Guardian reader hearing of the cables for the first time said, “I’m shocked that senior American officials are having the sorts of conversations I hear Americans having in public all the time.”

“I suppose this is the value of a whistle-blowing service, without which we might have continued to assume that behind closed doors Americans were nice polite individuals whilst choosing to be complete arseholes about everyone else when in public.”

The US have strongly criticised the leak, with Republican congressman Peter King telling reporters, “It is important that those people fortunate enough to have never met an actual American genuinely believe we are nice about everyone else behind closed doors.”

He concluded, “This has put the social lives of our embassy workers in danger, with many Christmas party invitations already being rescinded.”

NT.