Neurologists believe that they have found conclusive evidence that boxing damages the brain after the media published pictures of Amir Khan flirting with Katie Price.
Scientists have long believed that there is a significant link between neurodegenerative diseases and the repeated concussive blows to the head that boxers experience, but while brain scans have proven inconclusive, a scan of today’s tabloids has proven the link beyond any reasonable doubt.
“Any interest in Katie Price is a clear sign of brain damage,” neurologist Dr Alan Franklin explained. “A quick glance at her previous relationships clearly demonstrates that.”
“Peter Andre already had delusions of musical talent before he had even met Ms Price, but then had the clearly insane idea of releasing an album of duets with his then wife, who is even more tone deaf than he is.”
“It’s of no surprise to me that she then targeted another man who suffered boxer-style levels of serious head trauma in her next marriage to the cage-fighter, Alex Reid.”
Relatives of the Khan are also worried about his mental faculties, but are still hoping that he was just extremely, blindly drunk.
“There’s the chance that it could just be the sheer ignorance of his youth,” Amir’s father said hopefully.
“But surely no one is that stupid? I’m beginning to have this horrible feeling that the endless punishment that his skull has taken since he was just a child may have finally taken their toll.”
“When I saw the pictures of my son with that national abomination, I feared that his brain had been beaten into a chunky cream of vegetable soup.”
“However as a father, I’m hoping that he was completely drunk or on an awful lot of mind-altering drugs,” he continued, “even if he is a practising Muslim.”
“If the choice is between him having a genuine relationship with Katie Price, or being a degenerate drug addict, then there really is no choice at all.”
NT.
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