Credit: Wikipedia
| 17 | Burst Bladder |
The worst deaths are, of course, the ones that could have been avoided. Take the case of 16th century Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe. The man responsible for the most accurate celestial measurements thus taken was at a dinner party when he discovered that he'd drank too much wine. Unfortunately, back in the day it was considered rude to excuse yourself in mixed company to drain the main vein. So Tycho sat, legs crossed, and held in an ocean of piss unti pop! His bladder burst, leaking toxins into his body. Eleven days later he was dead. Lesson learned: don't piss around with piss.
Credit: New York Times
| 16 | Suffocated By Trash |
So of course I love Hoarders - it's the best show about people you'd never want to meet since Friends. But, to be frank, the trash-loving loons on that show don't have squat on legendary packrats the Collyer brothers. In their uptown 5th Avenue house, the two bros collected newspapers, books, furniture and more, refusing anybody entrance to their treasure house of trash. In 1947, the cops got tipped off to a funky smell and found both Collyers buried under literally 100 tons of trash.
Credit: Ford Motor Company
| 15 | Punched By Robot |
Okay, it's a given that eventually robots are going to kill all of us, Isaac Asmiov be damned, but the robot-human war has already begun. In January of 1979, first blood was drawn at a Ford assembly plant in Flat Rock, Michigan. A worker named Robert Williams climbed up on a rack to retrieve a part when the parts-retrieval robot, enraged at this meatsack's defilement of his workplace, punched him in the head and killed him instantly. After the plant had closed, all of the other robots gave it a high five.
Credit: Obsessed With Wrestling
| 14 | Crushed By A Giant Stomach |
So we all know professional wrestling is fake, right? I don't have to hold your hand here? That's what makes this next death so horrible. Morbidly obese British wrestler "Big Daddy" Crabtree was finishing up an undistinguished match with "King Kong" Kirk. After delivering his patented belly splash, Big Daddy noted that Kong was turning a sickly green color. Kirk was rushed to the hospital but was dead before he got there, given a heart attack by the thunderous pressure of Big Daddy's massive gut.
Credit: Sony Pictures
| 13 | Stuck In A Windshield |
So dying from being hit by a car sucks, no denying - but this particular automotive fatality takes it to a whole 'nother level.
In 2001, homeless Texan Gregory Biggs was struck by a car driven by drunk Chawnte Dawn Mallard. Biggs found himself lodged in her windshield, severely injured but not dead. So what did Mallard do? Drove home with the guy still stuck in the glass, parked in her garage and let him die, coming out from time to time to apologize for hitting him. He eventually croaked of his injuries and Mallard got put in jail for 50 years.
In 2001, homeless Texan Gregory Biggs was struck by a car driven by drunk Chawnte Dawn Mallard. Biggs found himself lodged in her windshield, severely injured but not dead. So what did Mallard do? Drove home with the guy still stuck in the glass, parked in her garage and let him die, coming out from time to time to apologize for hitting him. He eventually croaked of his injuries and Mallard got put in jail for 50 years.
Credit: World Sauna Championship
| 12 | Steamed Alive |
Of all the dumb sporting events I've heard of in my life, few top the World Sauna Championships, held annually since 1999 in Heinola, Finland. Men and women compete to see how long they can sit in a blazing hot sauna, with the thickest-skinned taking the crown. Unfortunately, sitting in very hot rooms full of steam is how we cook lobsters, so it was only a matter of time before a human bit it too.
In 2010, Russian finalist Vladimir Ladyzhensky passed out after six minutes in the box at 230 degrees Farenheit and was rushed to the hospital but died in the ambulance. The other competitor who was in with him was put in a coma for two months with burns over 70% of his body. Sounds fun!
In 2010, Russian finalist Vladimir Ladyzhensky passed out after six minutes in the box at 230 degrees Farenheit and was rushed to the hospital but died in the ambulance. The other competitor who was in with him was put in a coma for two months with burns over 70% of his body. Sounds fun!
Credit: Red Rocket Hobbies
| 11 | Flying Lawnmower Attack |
This next one is the stuff of horror movies - at a Jets halftime show in 1979, the entertainment was provided by a group of oddly-shaped remote control flying machines. Hey, I've heard weirder. But for 20 year old John Bowen, it would be his last halftime. A 40-pound remote controlled aircraft shaped like a lawnmower (okay, I haven't heard weirder) rocketed into the stands, mowing down Bowen and his neighbor like so much summer turf. He died four days later of his injuries.
Credit: Stern Electronics
| 10 | Video Game Fatality |
When people try to say video games are bad for you, I usually scoff. But you know what? At least one person has been sent to Valhalla by a video game. In 1981, 19 year old Jeff Dailey racked up a score of 16,660 points on the arcade classic Berzerk and promptly fell dead of a heart attack.
Could it have something to do with the Number of the Beast in the middle of his score, or could Jeff just not hang with Evil Otto? Without a Ouija board, there's no way to tell.
Could it have something to do with the Number of the Beast in the middle of his score, or could Jeff just not hang with Evil Otto? Without a Ouija board, there's no way to tell.
Credit: Senator Entertainment Co
| 9 | Cannibalized Voluntarily |
It's one thing to have the flesh of your body eaten against your will - that could happen to anyone. But it's quite another to answer a personal ad from a dude who wants to eat your flesh.
Bernd-Jurgen Brandes, a poor dumb German, answered a classified ad taken out by Arwin Meiwes that basically said "I want to kill and eat you." The pair met up and, lo and behold, Meiwes killed and ate him. The sad story inspired a Rammstein song - what a horrible eulogy.
Bernd-Jurgen Brandes, a poor dumb German, answered a classified ad taken out by Arwin Meiwes that basically said "I want to kill and eat you." The pair met up and, lo and behold, Meiwes killed and ate him. The sad story inspired a Rammstein song - what a horrible eulogy.
Credit: Google Store
| 8 | Lava Lamp Explosion |
Sometimes you can't help but wonder just what the hell people think they're doing with their lives. Take the case of Kent, Washington's Phillip Quinn. Young Mr. Quinn was engaged in a bizarre experiment at his home one day when he placed his trusty lava lamp atop the burner of his stove and turned on the heat, to... I dunno, cure cancer or something. Maybe he was trying to get superpowers. But all that happened was the lava lamp exploded, sending a shard of glass right through his heart and killing him. Groovy.
Credit: THINKFilm
| 7 | Boned By A Horse |
Here's a very disturbing tale of a dude going to great lengths to get his jollies.
Kenneth "Mr. Hands" Pinyan was a dude in Enumclaw, Washington who really like the horses. So much so that he'd sneak out to a farm at night and ... get it on with horses. Let that sink in a bit. Unfortunately, during one of his trysts with Mr. Ed, he found himself with a perforated colon and ended up kicking off. Naturally, he refused to go to the hospital out of shame and ended up croaking, leading to a major investigation of him and his gross friends.
Kenneth "Mr. Hands" Pinyan was a dude in Enumclaw, Washington who really like the horses. So much so that he'd sneak out to a farm at night and ... get it on with horses. Let that sink in a bit. Unfortunately, during one of his trysts with Mr. Ed, he found himself with a perforated colon and ended up kicking off. Naturally, he refused to go to the hospital out of shame and ended up croaking, leading to a major investigation of him and his gross friends.
Credit: Asymmetric.net
| 6 | Chicken Bone Nose Job |
We all have something we don't like about ourselves - I wish my penis were a little smaller and not quite so perfectly formed, for instance - but it takes a special soul to perform ad hoc plastic surgery on themselves to rectify those flaws.
One such special soul was Jason Burton, a British lad tired of being teased about his gnarly nose. So what did Jason do? He read some medical texts and hunkered down to perform an at-home rhinoplasty, using a chisel to remove his cartilage and a piece of chicken bone to replace it. You can figure it out from here: massive infection, death.
One such special soul was Jason Burton, a British lad tired of being teased about his gnarly nose. So what did Jason do? He read some medical texts and hunkered down to perform an at-home rhinoplasty, using a chisel to remove his cartilage and a piece of chicken bone to replace it. You can figure it out from here: massive infection, death.
Credit: Wikipedia
| 5 | Choking On A Hot Dog |
So your name is Robert Puleo and you've got your drink on. What to do but get rowdy in your local 7-11? But when St. Louis resident Puleo was informed that he had to stop the shenanigans or the cops woud be called, Rob made the last mistake of his life.
In an act of defiance, he grabbed a hot dog out of the heating rack, stuffed it in his mouth and walked out the door, where he promptly collapsed. Paramedics on the scene attempted to remove the illicit weiner, but it had already blocked his airway and killed him. Crime doesn't pay!
In an act of defiance, he grabbed a hot dog out of the heating rack, stuffed it in his mouth and walked out the door, where he promptly collapsed. Paramedics on the scene attempted to remove the illicit weiner, but it had already blocked his airway and killed him. Crime doesn't pay!
Credit: Wikipedia
| 4 | Rattlesnake Catch |
I know things can get boring down in Alabama, but really there's no excuse for this. In 1995 good ol' boy Joe Buddy Caine and his friend got boozed up and decided to invent a new game - rattlesnake tossing. Finding one of the poisonous beasts, they picked it up and started throwing it back and forth at each other. If you think the snake wrote a letter to the ASPCA, you'd be wrong. It bit the crap out of both of these rednecks. You'd think that after one person got bit, they'd stop with the snake throwing, but, like I said, Alabama.
Joe Buddy died of the venom, but his pal survived.
Joe Buddy died of the venom, but his pal survived.
Credit: Segway.com
| 3 | Segway Suicide |
What's worse than being seen riding a Segway? Owning the company. What's worse than that? Dying on board your miracle machine. The two-wheeled scooter invented by Dean Kamen was supposed to be the most important invention of the 21st century but turned out to just be a way for fat people to get around Las Vegas.
When British businessman Jim Haselden bought the company from Kamen, it was a mystery. Even more of a mystery: why Haselden would ride his Segway off a cliff near his estate. I guess the shame was just too great.
When British businessman Jim Haselden bought the company from Kamen, it was a mystery. Even more of a mystery: why Haselden would ride his Segway off a cliff near his estate. I guess the shame was just too great.
Credit: ChemistryToday.com
| 2 | Barrel Ride To Hell |
Thrills: we seek them. But sometimes the quest for adventure can go too far, like when poor dumb Travis Rilat and Tyson Perez decided to experiment with a flaming barrel ride of thrills.
The pair poured four gallons of methanol alcohol into a 55-gallon bucket, climbed on top and lit it, and, using their physics lessons learned from Wile E. Coyote hoped for a blast of flame to shoot out the back and take them on a ride around the parking lot. But exposives don't work that way, and the barrel blew up beneath them, killing Perez and brutally burning Rilat.
The pair poured four gallons of methanol alcohol into a 55-gallon bucket, climbed on top and lit it, and, using their physics lessons learned from Wile E. Coyote hoped for a blast of flame to shoot out the back and take them on a ride around the parking lot. But exposives don't work that way, and the barrel blew up beneath them, killing Perez and brutally burning Rilat.
Credit: Wikipedia
| 1 | Head Bashed In By A Midget |
So what do you think is the grisliest celebrity death of all time? My vote goes to starlet Susan Cabot, a gorgeous brunette who got her start in Westerns before ending her career with Roger Corman's The Wasp Woman. This is complicated, so let's go.
Cabot bangs King Hussein of Jordan and gets pregnant with a kid, who is born a midget. Twenty-three years later the cops get a call from the midget who says a "tall Latino dressed like a Japanese Ninja" had broken in and attacked him and his mother. The midget had a tiny scratch on his arm, but Susan's head was caved in. Of course, the midget did it, but seriously: what a way to go.
Cabot bangs King Hussein of Jordan and gets pregnant with a kid, who is born a midget. Twenty-three years later the cops get a call from the midget who says a "tall Latino dressed like a Japanese Ninja" had broken in and attacked him and his mother. The midget had a tiny scratch on his arm, but Susan's head was caved in. Of course, the midget did it, but seriously: what a way to go.
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